100 Parodies
by DeltaG
Summary: I got bored today, so I thought up a challenge for myself other than writing some actual stories. So, here it is. I'll be working on getting 100 parodies, whether they be short, long, or something else.
1. Recruiting

**Disclaimer: I do not own Call of Duty.**

**100 Parodies**

**Chapter 1:**

**A Campaign Mission. I guess.**

Aman in a ghillie suit entered the briefing room. There, he found every single man he'd ever known inside it, dead. Soap, Ghost, Roach, Yuri, some other Russian nobody cares about, and a bunch of unnamed NPCs.

The man shook the hood of the ghillie suit off to reveal a boonie hat that somehow fit under it, and a mustache covering his face.

In the chair at the end of the table was a man in a suit with a Five Seven pistol in his hand. The pistol was gold-plated, with a silencer that was also gold on it. Underneath it was a grenade launcher, with a flashlight under that. It was also welded to an upside-down one, with the same attachments, except the top one had a tactical knife attached to it that had a rope on it.

"Price. Bitchtits, how have you been?" the man asked, placing the weapon down on the table and leaning forward in the chair. Price could now see the L118A, I mean L96A1, strapped to his back. On it was an aimbot scope that cost your soul and another five dollars. It had a new camo on it, a black background with seventy-five differently styled nyan cats on it, all of them holding a different gun already used in CoD.

"Fuck you," Price replied, shrugging off the ghillie suit and walking forward. He paused to hump Soap's body for a few minutes, and then again to smoke a cigar over Makarov's body, and then again to beat his meat to Ghost's body.

"We need you back Price. We ran out of storyline ideas after CoD 41: The Return of the Black Man named Charles Who Fucks Over All the Russians. The plot was stale, and the players didn't like the addition of kittens as enemies, so we replaced them with orphans. That held them for a while, and then after CoD 56, they threatened to fuck my son in the ass if we didn't bring back you. I refused and then did what they said they would, and then mailed me his dick in the mail.

"After CoD 58, my own mother threatened to kill my brother after I didn't bring you back in the game. She mailed me his nipples. Now I'm getting threats against myself, and I need you back, Price," the man ended, and stood. He reached for the gun and pushed it across the table to Price, who picked it up and licked it.

"Now, you can come back, or you can kill me," the man offered, spreading his arms wide and inviting Price to shoot him in the chest, right where his heart was, or should be.

"You killed my team. My friends. My lovers," Price choked out, looking at the man who had caused him so much pain. He looked down the sight that was somehow on the gun and sighted the man's head in it, his hand twitching at the trigger. He tried to pull, but it wouldn't budge.

"Of, that's right, safety," Price released the safety and fired at the man. He was stunned when he got a FUCKING HITMARKER, I MEAN, DAMN, WHAT THE FUCK WITH THE HITMARKERS?

Sorry there, but Price got a hitmarker and the man, using Fast Hands from CoDBO(NER): II pulled out the sniper and queekscoped the Captain, getting no hitmarkers whatsoever and earning his Lightning Strike killstreak that he called in over Libya like a good bastard should.


	2. Memes Everywhere

**100 Parodies**

**Chapter 2:**

**Another Campaign Mission. Why Not?**

"So, what's the entire point here?" Price was now lying down prone, a ghilie suit covering him, and talking tot he dead body of Ghost.

"You're right," Price told the dead body and sprang forward, grabbing the man off the sidewalk in front of him and putting him in a chokehold. He slapped the man and put a Five Seven pistol to his own head and threatened to shoot himself if the man didn't give him information on Zakhaev's son.

Before the man could speak, some guy rode up on a horse and handed Price water before yelling out in a loud voice, "Dragovich. Kravchenko. Steiner. All. Must. Die!"

He threw Price off of the man and slammed him into a building twenty feet away with the amazing new gadget that manipulated gravity.

The Russian then pulled out a Python revolver and loaded it with seven shots somehow. Hacker. He then pointed it down at the random man in a dramatic way and exclaimed, "My name is Victor Reznov. And I. Will Have. MY! REVENGE!"

As Reznov fired, a group of barrels crashed through a glass barrier that had appeared between Price and Reznov, and two men in hazmat suits ran in and restrained the Russian, who turned into an American.

"What the fuck did I just watch?" Price mumbled.

Suddenly a black guy appeared with two men following him. One was looking extremely tired, and collapsed against the building next to Price before the black man began barking orders.

"Ramirez, fetch me a soda! Ramirez, take down that BTR with a flashbang! Ramirez, take my knife and use it to take down the entire Russian army! Ramirez, the Russians are attacking, protect Burgertown! Ramirez, get the VIP into the freezer!"

"FUCK YOU, OLD MAN!" the man next to price screamed, and jumped and and tackled the black man to the ground. Ramirez whipped out a Combat Knife and began gouging out his squad leader's eyes, and the cut his tongue out. Then he pulled out an M60-E4 and fired point-blank into the man with a full clip.

"Are you dead yet!?" Ramirez asked, getting up off of the man and dropping the M60 next to him.

The man rose to his feet slowly and looked at Ramirez, "Ramirez, fix me up with only a band-aid!"

"GOD DAMMIT!" Ramirez screamed, pulling out an Executioner, which was basically a shotgun revolver, and pointing it at his own head.

"GO DIE, FOLEY!" with that, Ramirez pulled the trigger and splattered his brains all over the third man, who just stood there looking like a dumbass.

"What in the actual fuck!?" Price exclaimed, standing up and lighting a cigar.

With that, Roach and Ghost's nude bodies appeared in a rather suggestive pose.

"I give up!" Price screamed, and pulled out his spare Barret .50 cal rifle, and began quickscoping the men around him.

_Mission Success._

"Are you serious!?" Price yelled, looking up into the sky to see jets and helicopters streaming into the city, and explosions lighting up the sky.

"Price, exfil point has been overrun, meet at extract point Alpha Brave Foxtrot Hotel Dog Juliet Alpha Niner Niner Foxtrot Juliet Whiskey Zulu 0001!" Price looked to his left to see his old Captain yelling at him, and then being flown away in a helicopter.

Price was silent for a moment, and then strode over to where men and women were still walking down the sidewalk as if nothing had happened.

He stepped over to a woman walking with her child and stopped them. He then handed the child his Python revolver, which had one shot left in it.

"Kill me," he requested. Before the mother could do anything, the son fired and Price's vision became bloody, but he did not die.

"Dammit!" he exclaimed, and drew out his combat knife and handed it to the child, who, instead of thrusting it, swiped it across Price's chest and killed him instantly.


End file.
